To Ailyn. for 2012.02.09(THU) AM7:40 from James.Kim
Q) Today, many young people have plastic surgery through the influence if mass media. Some people disagree with cosmetic surgery, but others find it very positive especially when getting a job or choosing a spouse. What do you think about having plastic surgery?
Write your opinion with clear reasons.
A) I firmly believe that having plastic surgery is helpful to live in our social life.
There are several reasons for this.
First of all, there is no question that beautiful women have advantage to get a job or to choose a spouse. For instance, I’d like to choose tempting apples than others before I taste it. In this way, good appearance is preferred not only choosing foods, but also choosing people by human nature.
Furthermore, hansom or beautiful people have good manners than other people and it helps to live as a social being. Generally, people are influenced from other person’s behavior. Looking good persons are easily treated with good manners by people and they easily learn that kind of behavior. Finally, these people are having a good attitude and it helps to having a good relationship with others.
All things considered, people need to have cosmetic surgery when they thinking themselves are having a trouble with their appearance.
corrections:
I firmly believe that having plastic surgery is helpful to live in our social life.
There are several reasons for this. First of all, there is no question that beautiful men and women have an advantage in getting a job or in choosing a spouse. For instance, if I were given a basket of apples, I would choose the most tempting one among the others and taste it. It shows that good appearance is preferred not only in choosing foods but also in choosing people by human nature. Furthermore, handsome or beautiful people have good manners than other people and it helps them to live better as a social being. Generally, people are influenced by other people’s behavior. The good-looking ones are easily treated with good manners and they easily learn that kind of behavior too. Finally, these people having a good attitude can also develop good relationship with others.
All things considered, people need to have cosmetic surgery when they think they are not confident with their appearance.
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hi James!
You did a good job! ^^ There were some few corrections in the grammar and sentence construction anyway so please check them out.
However, I think your answer is a little deviated from the main topic about cosmetic surgery. Although it is somehow related, you tend to focus more on the social effects of having a good appearance. I think you should focus more on cosmetic surgery, it's effects and the reasons why it's necessary for people to undergo such thing. The relevance of your answer to the question is also one criterion in giving score to your answer so it's important.
Keep it up! Have a happy weekend! ^^